England, Sod's Law & The French

You know, if it wasn't for the thousands of TV adverts, people dressing their houses like BNP headquarters and those horrible vuvuzela's I really wouldn't of known there was a world cup on. That of course is a joke as everything for the next 2 months is world cup and why not, it gives us men an excuse to lounge around, have bbq's, drink inexplicable amounts of beer and watch football, and not feel bad about it because the rest of the world is in fact joining in.

The first topic I wish to address on todays world cup rant is the England team. 11 multi millionaires who have wives that look like barbie dolls dipped in orange paint and from what we've seen thus far, don't really care about playing for their national team. On paper, with the players England have at their disposal we should be world beaters. Champions League winning players, players who have won countless titles and trophy's, and then as soon as they put on an England shirt they turn into league 2 players. (No disrespect to League 2 but come on let's face it, your league's rubbish!) Why is it that every time I watch England play I am constantly advising them how to play, how pathetically useless they are and how they don't deserve to wear the shirt? I will never know the reason, and neither will anyone else because let's face it, the majority of the Brazil squad play in La Liga, Serie A, and they're on 120,000EUR a week so it's not money. Pressure you might say? I'm sure the Spanish are backing their team to win just as much as we are... So as I said, no-one will ever know why England are so poor. But it's for this very reason I love World Cup's because it gives me a chance to have a proper good moan.

And now time for lovely helping of good old Sod's Law!, we beat Slovenia 1 - 0 which is useless in terms of match winning quality that's like Barcelona beating swindon 1 - 0... it wasn't the best, but we got the job done. And what is our just reward for such a shocking start to the campaign. A last 16 meeting with our old friends Germany. With their arrogant swagger, blonde hair, blue eyes, wives with shaved heads and hairy arm pits, I'm quite relieved we're facing Germany, this is because it will give England a wake up call, the fact that we are playing decent opposition and not some weird island off the coast of mexico means we can really get our arses cained so that it will give us a reality check to say that we aren't good enough to lift the world cup. Regardless of what the Sun says or what Nut's magazine predicts, compared to the annoyingly efficient Germans we are simply not good enough.

Talking of not being good enough this brings me onto the French. My somewhat politically correct conscience is telling me to be careful on this next paragraph however come to think of it if we had conducted ourselves the way the French have then they would write exactly the same so here goes... Firstly the manager, Raymond Domenech. Refusing to shake the hand of the South African manager, Carlos Alberto Perrera is an absolute disgrace. Regardless of the match outcome the decent thing to do is to show some respect to your opponents but no it seems for Mr Domenech even a hand shake is deemed irrelevant and unnecessary. Secondly the players refusal to train, Now I can fully understand that your manager is a complete and utter cheese eating surrender monkey who needs a slap or two but if you're getting paid millions to play in a national tournament the least you can do is respect the management team. The fact that you've refused to play like a bunch of pubescent school children is something I hope you tell your grandchildren so that they come to realise how much of an arse clown you really are!.